Out of the blue, I just sensed the faint aroma of cilantro. The stink of desperation, fear and potatoes normally clouds my sense of smell, so the scent of far away spices is a pleasant respite from the usual olfactory grind. I'm sitting at my desk right now with my office door and window closed, so this fleeting scent is particularly curious.
Seeing how my current lunch regiment consists of a bowl of cereal and yogurt, I might as well swallow a handful of thumbtacks, because anything short of a French baguette stuffed with a bounty of fresh goodness will simply not do. Maybe I should check out the 7-Eleven convenience store across the street to see if they have any pate I can stir into my bowl of Special K.
2 comments:
The curious, inexplicable odor of cilantro is leaps and bounds ahead of the odor discovered emanating from my new co-worker. This "person" insists on the combination of showering once per decade and wearing sleeveless t-shirts (damn the lax dress code policy!). Additionally, he is apparently boycotting the tooth brushing ritual while on his strict dietary regiment of sardines.
Goodbye olfactory organs... it was good while it lasted.
Try adding a dab of Vick's vapor rub right below each nostril. If it worked for the coroner in Silence of the Lambs, I'm sure it'll cancel out some wicked BO.
But seriously, sleeveless t-shirts at work? Is the guy lifting sandbags all day and needs optimal ventilation for his 'guns'?
The long-term solution: assemble a co-worker posse of hygiene vigilantes. Required tools: ski masks, duct tape, tube socks, and bars of soap. Step 1- don ski masks. Step 2- give aliases to each posse member so that real names are not used during the mission. Step 3- locate and restrain smelly co-worker. Step 4- insert bar soap into socks. Step 5- beat smelly co-worker with bar soap sock slings. To avoid the intervention by 'Human Resources' staff, limit each posse member to 3 swings. Step 6- put a bar of soap into smell co-workers pocket and tell him to clean himself up.
I've never done this myself, but it seemed to work in the movie 'Full Metal Jacket'.
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