The Origins of Crap

First Annual Etymological Symposium on Scatological Terminology



Panel Members:

Thuy V, PhD.
Professor Emeritus of Canadian Cinema
Kingsport Ladies College

Matt D, MD.
Chancellor of Theoretical Bus Driving Dynamics
Harvard School of Driving

Dave V, BS
Bowel Tai-Chi Zen Master
Bob Jones Seminary

Transcript of Proceedings:

Thuy V: Here's a French word for you

crapulerie (krap-ew-lair-ee) noun, feminine
1. villainy
2. a dishonest act

[from "crapule" (scoundrel) and borrowed from the latin "crapula"
(intoxication") -- synonyms include "la canaillerie" (a low trick)
and "la fripouillerie" (roguishness)]

Matt D: Did our word "crap" come from this?

Dave V: According to the history channel, no. 'Crap' originated in 1200 BC when a caveman stepped in a pile of T-Rex turds and grunted 'crap'.

Matt D: T-Rexs were around in 1200 BC? I don't know Dave, that sounds a bit suspicious to me.

Dave V: According to the caveman who stepped into the fresh load, there certainly were T-Rexs in 1200 BC. Seriously, why would someone who stepped into a knee-high mound of turds lie about this? C'mon Matt, you gotta see the forest from the trees.

Thuy V: I can't believe matt believed that 1) someone was witness to 2) a caveman stepping on t-rex turds, 3) thought to record the reaction and 4) decided that out of it all, to question the part about the t-rex. hehehhe

Matt D: Well the t-rex is at the root of it all! the t-rex was alive in 1200 BC, birthed the turd in the right spot that led to the caveman coining the word "crap". so we have the mighty t-rex to thank for all this crap.

Dave V: Thuy, you previously said '...someone was witness to 2)' which can be interpreted as 'someone was witness to the bowel movement'. Given the context of our discussion on crap, were you intentionally trying to be clever or was it just a coincidence? Well played, good lady.

I would SO take this off some sweet jumps

Had I the disposable income of a third world country ruled by a ruthless cabal of oil barons, mercenaries, and syphillitic socialites, I would buy this custom, man-sized tricycle. It doesn't look like it has the agility of a low-slung Big Wheel, but when you're rockin' this much style, you want to take your time. And seeing how it only has one gear, I'd also have 'Single and Sassy' airbrushed onto the downtube.

Ahoy matey!

Laugh! Sing! Dance!

For today is a new day, and Dave hath set sail on a fantastic voyage of a literary endeavor aboard the jolly good ship USS Dainty Scamp. Tis a hearty and stout ship; having recently served a long and respectable duty as an ocean cruise liner for the adventurous vacationer yearning for the excitement of being trapped on a coffin-like vessel but with the amenities of four star hotel, the Dainty Scamp has heard the siren call of the open seas and has responded in kind with a hearty ‘Aye matey, we rides tonight like the homeys roll deep to da club’.

Surely, these writing seas are beset with many a peril: pirates who be bitin’ other people’s shit, mythical sea monstrosities that swallow ships whole (or, anything else that cuts into writing time, otherwise known as jobs, the distraction of loved ones, the daily upkeep of hygiene, etc.), and the most evil of all evils, the dreaded libel laws of ‘the man’ that keep many a good baseless and slanderous yarn from seeing the light of day.

But with an overactive imagination, a gross misunderstanding of social norms and conventions, and an excellent HMO plan to address known neurosis and those yet to manifest, I have full confidence the good captain ‘chairmandave’ can traverse any rough seas on the horizon.

It feels good to set sail, for Dave has long been at bay and has longed for the open sea...